Student Excellence: Lexi Brockbank (Y11)

csa-bron-freedom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I really like this poem by Lexi – one of two I’ll be posting over the next few weeks.

There’s a great use of repetition, which subtly changes at the end to reflect a change of direction in the speaker.  One of the highlights for me was also the tripping rhythm created by the rhymes and half-rhymes.  On a second reading, the capitalisation of  Together  towards the end felt really significant, lending that word so much more importance and building towards a positive and hopeful climax.  I retyped the poem from a printed copy;  any errors are my typos, not hers).  It’s also worth pointing out that it was ME, not Lexi, who chose the image, which sums up my interpretation of that ending.

Thanks for sharing your work, Lexi.  It genuinely was a pleasure to read and think about.

If you like the poem, please drop us a line and I’ll pass your comments on to Lexi!  It’s pretty brave shoving your work out there for your peers to gawp at, so she deserves your praise, if you like it.

Send me your poems, all you creative writers amongst pupils AND staff …

Trapped

Like a fly in a jar

I’m trapped

Like a bird behind bars

I’m trapped.

And I’ve tried

And I’ve tried

To fly out this alive,

But I won’t

‘Cause I can’t

‘Cause I’m trapped.

 

Like a tree with no air

I stand

Like a boat drifted far

From land.

And almost

I’ve got close

To the shore, to the coast.

But I won’t

‘Cause I can’t

‘Cause I’m trapped.

 

But Together a knife we

Will take

And forever this ivy

Will break.

For unbeknown

I have known

This knowledge alone

That I won’t

‘Cause I can’t

Stay trapped.

 

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English Teacher; Shakespeare Geek; Science Fiction Nerd; Adult Fan Of Lego (AFOL); Scrabble Warrior; Television Refusenik. Above all, READER ...

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